Pride & Prejudice
REVIEWED 11/05, © STEPHEN BOURNE
www.ofrb.gov.on.ca | www.rcq.gouv.qc.ca


REVIEW:

The world seemed so very far away from Elizabeth "Liz" Bennet (Keira Knightley) at that moment. A distant existence that had once and for a long time been hers, and yet was now far removed from her at this cliff. The world stretched out from far below her, and away from her. A blanket of natural life, a palette of hues and tints slowly reaching upwards to the pale blue colours of the sky. The clouds. The grasses. The leaves of poplar and oak. None of it revealing any certain evidence that this sun-drenched landscape of pastoral fields and wooded hills was more than that of an artist's canvas large enough to meet her every gaze, except for the scent of wild flowers carried up to her on the warm breeze that lapped the rugged precipice on which she had stood for a near eternity. It was a beauty that Elizabeth knew that she could never parallel, but she had found herself amused with this rather girlish notion that had entered her thoughts. Would she be so different a person in mind and spirit, so noticeably less herself, if the mastery of the Feminine Arts were of any lasting significance to her? Jane (Rosamund Pike), the eldest and loveliest of the five Bennet Sisters, had charmed Mr. Bingley (Simon Woods) without such things only to lose his affections to a sudden and curious flight from his manor. Would drawing and musical ability, and polite conversation of a tactful affectation unnatural to Jane's true self have kept his love? Were those appropriate compromises enough? And, what of Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy (Matthew MacFadyen)? Such a mannerless puzzle of stone. Would he have been so different a man if he were standing here beside Elizabeth, and not gone as he was from her life just as quickly as he had entered it that summer? She had told him that she had loathed him, but what she had secretly loathed from the moment that he had held her hand in his was her turn of unconscious weakness that the slightest thought of him since would well up in her heart and wash over her beyond her control...

Wow. This is how it's done, folks. Admittedly, I was fairly ambivalent about this Brit adaptation of renowned author Jane Austen's (1775-1817) 1813 classic brought to the big screen by TV mini-series director Joe Wright. Even those who've never read the book have likely seen one good version or another of this sweeping romantic drama about impudent young Elizabeth "Liz" Bennet's emotionally turbulent summer when stoic land owner Fitzwilliam Darcy comes to town, including the updated films 'Bridget Jones's Diary' (2001) and 'Bride & Prejudice' (2004) that were loosely based on the original novel. On the other hand, this is an outstanding cast given a timeless story - apparently inspired by Austen's own fruitless marriage proposal made by wealthy family friend and Manydown Park heir Harris Bigg-Wither in 1802 - to play within for the hundred and twenty-seven minutes that this lushly realized period piece clicks along at on screen. Thankfully, a paying audience isn't given any reason to feel the least bit disappointed. 'Pride & Prejudice' truly is a masterpiece of film making, with Keira Knightley's ('Bend It Like Beckham' (2002), 'King Arthur' (2004)) electrifying interpretation of Elizabeth clearly being the best ever seen. Her every nuance and coy sting is resoundingly perfect, and Wright's ability to capture volumes in a single scene is breathtaking to watch. Sure, it's initially tough to shake off spoofy expectations of Knightley hunting down sister Lydia's (Jena Malone) dastardly suitor Wickham with the same ferocity as bounty hunter Domino Harvey from last month's 'Domino' (2005), but that silliness quickly melts away against the first frame, as you're immediately enveloped by the sheer eloquent grandeur of this picture's richly saturated visuals and sumptuous dialogue. Deborah Moggach's screenplay - reportedly tweaked by actor and Shakespeare fan Emma Thompson - is a pure joy to witness performed by this awesome crew of talent that includes Brenda Blethyn ('A River Runs Through It' (1992), 'Beyond the Sea' (2004)) and Saint John, New Brunswick's Donald Sutherland ('Kelly's Heroes' (1970), 'The Italian Job' (2003)) as Liz's beleaguered parents, and Rosamund Pike ('Die Another Day' (2002), 'Doom' (2005)) as her lovely eldest sister Jane. Of course, 'Pride & Prejudice' would be nothing particularly special without Matthew MacFadyen's ('Maybe Baby' (2000), 'The Reckoning' (2003)) superior portrayal as Mr. Darcy, masterfully unfolding the complex layers of his character with a methodical precision rarely accomplished with such deft attention to subtle detail.

Awesome. You can feel the volcano aching to erupt from under Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam as their minds slowly turn towards passion for each other. The makers of Kleenex will be thrilled. Absolutely do yourself a huge favour and check out this extraordinary, Academy Award calibre movie at the theatre.

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Paradise Now
REVIEWED 12/05, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

It was a restless night for Said (Kais Nashef). His last night. A million and one things ripped through his mind as he lay there in the darkness of his room, in his mother's simple home, near his beloved Palestine's fenced and guarded border with Israel's settlements in the Gaza. Jamal's (Amer Hlehel) news had come unexpectedly, leaving Said little time to deal with his thoughts and feelings before the planned hour of brutal resistance would materialize. He'd silently fought to keep his emotions from overpowering him earlier that evening. Eating dinner with his siblings as though everything was normal. As though he and his longtime friend Khaled (Ali Suliman) had not been chosen. Desperately trying not to betray himself to his loving mother seated across from him. Remaining silent, with Jamal as a welcomed guest at his side. Jamal was fast asleep on the blanket beside his now, as Said stared into the darkness above him. Peering at his life and that of his family's, and of his deceased father who had humiliated them by collaborating with the Israeli oppressors more than a decade ago. Looking at how his mother (Hiam Abbass) would react to the truth, once word reached her that he had lied to her about getting a visa to work in Tel-Aviv. Would she be proud of what he was really going to do tomorrow? Tomorrow's mission with Khaled was necessary for the good of their people's freedom. There was no other way for them to answer the killing of their brethren than with violence, just as the Koran dictated. If the world and Israel didn't care about them, they would have to fear Palestine and things would be better by force. There was no alternative but to say good-bye to their loved ones in the morning, to perform the ritualistic cleansing before the pocketed vests of explosives were strapped to their bodies, and to die as honoured martyrs on a suicidal path of destruction that promised to drench the streets of Tel-Aviv in blood. He thought about that, and his mind soon turned to Suha, the daughter of the legendary martyr Asu Azzim. Said had just met her that fateful day, but there had been a connection. Their brief moment together flooded his memory. He needed to see her, before he faced the inevitable.

Wow. This phenomenally bleak and powerful subtitled treasure from co-writer/director Hany Abu-Assad ('Rana's Wedding' (2002)) is an absolutely mesmerizing character study of Said (played by first-timer Kais Nashef), a young Palestinian mechanic and son of an executed traitor, who hesitantly resolves himself to join his best friend Khaled (big screen newcomer Ali Suliman) on a Resistance-schemed suicide bombing mission to Tel-Aviv the day after meeting love interest Suha (Lubna Azabal; 'Loin' (2001), 'Exils' (2004)). 'Paradise Now' actually feels more like a low-budget psychological thriller than the dramatic call for peace that this ninety-minute film is being lauded as, primarily because so much wonderfully excruciating focus is placed on Nashef's brilliant performance throughout. He truly is outstanding here and worth keeping an eye out for. Beyond his character's obvious drastic changes, being transformed from an unassumingly shaggy loafer into an anointed martyr-in-waiting dressed as a Gaza Settler in clothes that hide a vest of explosives, you can almost read volumes of unspoken conflicted dialogue fighting to burst free through his slowly hardening eyes. It's great stuff. As well, Abu-Assad's, Bero Beyer's and Pierre Hodgson's thoroughly believable screenplay carefully drapes this feature with rhetoric and thoughtful debate which helps an otherwise unprepared paying audience to fully understand this tumultuous world, but the script also gives these performers enough elbow room to truly personalize key moments that lift this entire effort as a superior human drama. Thankfully, the entire main cast takes full advantage in front of cinematographer Antoine Héberlé's point blank lens, with Suliman emotionally turning himself inside-out after their mission goes awry, and acclaimed Middle Eastern powerhouse Hiam Abbass ('Satin rouge' (2002), 'The Syrian Bride' (2004)) once again delivering overwhelmingly inspired insight with a simple glance or tone of voice as Said's beleaguered mother. Quite frankly, despite its slight lag in pacing at times, 'Paradise Now' is virtually flawless throughout. One other notable aspect is the sound editing, lending a masterful depth of credible perception to Said's experiences that pretty well rivals anything similar coming out of Hollywood these days.

Awesome. Absolutely do yourself a huge favour and check out this exceptionally riveting foreign effort that could easily be considered a contemporary classic.

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The Producers
REVIEWED 12/05, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

Playing out as a measurably raunchier embellishment of creator Mel Brooks' Oscar-winning and first notoriously weird big screen comedy, this new version of 'The Producers' from director Susan Stroman feels like it's primarily transplanted from Stroman's twelve-time Tony-winning 2001 Broadway musical based on Brooks' original 1968 film starring the legendary Zero Mostel (1915-1977) and genuine funny man Gene Wilder. It's virtually impossible to review this latest incarnation without comparing it to the first one - you can also read Brooks' script at www.awesomefilm.com/script/producers.html - but thankfully, co-writers Brooks and Thomas Meehan have improved upon perfection for the most part with this rollicking hundred and thirty-five minute flick. Many of the familiar gags from the '68 picture initially intended to shock and that apparently got that one banned in Germany but likely seem quaint or corny these days are here, but new scenes and a cavalcade of song and dance numbers have been introduced from the stage version in order to truly make this one stand on its own as an even more satisfying piece of inappropriately hilarious mature entertainment throughout. Nathan Lane ('Mousehunt' (1997), 'Teacher's Pet' (2004)) effortlessly surpasses his resoundingly memorable performance in 'The Birdcage' (1996), bringing his stage performance to the screen and taking Mostel's trademark madness to new heights of Lou Costello (1906-1959) like frenetic hilarity as unscrupulous theatre producer Max Bialystock - who's inspired by a legal loop hole to bilk his adoring legion of grey haired backers of twenty million dollars combined, purposely finding the worst stage play ever written that's guaranteed to flop on opening night.

Awesome. In fact, pretty well all of this cast seamlessly steps into the various roles made famous by the original big screen effort, clearly having a blast paying playful homage to their predecessors' campy performances while gleefully squeezing every last drop of over-the-top laughs out of the fresh story alterations and new material. Most notable are Will Ferrell's ('A Night at the Roxbury' (1998), 'Bewitched' (2005)) role as psychotic Führer fanatic playwright Franz Liebkind, adding a few twists while masterfully fitting into forerunner Kenneth Mars' cartoony helmet and accent, as well as Gary Beach's ('Hell Mountain' (1998), 'Man of the Century' (1999)) portrayal of the Great White Way's ridiculous flaming queer stage director Roger De Bras - beautifully combining television's 'Mr. Belvedere' (1985-1990) star Christopher Hewett's (1922-2001) original De Bris' gown-clad zaniness with the irreverence of actor Dick Shawn's (1923-1987) goofy thespian Lorenzo St. DuBois come opening night. Like I'd mentioned, it's still bound to offend some, but they've changed the story. In a good way. Unfortunately, the kudos stop there. Lane's cohort in crime, Matthew Broderick ('The Cable Guy' (1996), 'The Stepford Wives' (2004)), gives one of the most wooden and uneven performances seen since he starred in 'Inspector Gadget' (1999), never truly stepping out from under the shadow of Gene Wilder as mealy mouthed, blue blanket fawning accountant Leo Bloom to believably enliven his part suitably for the camera. However, a far more excruciatingly weak link is Uma Thurman ('Jennifer Eight' (1992), 'Kill Bill: Vol. 2' (2004)), easily in line for a worst fake accent award while awkwardly two-stepping into the fairly expanded upon Swedish sex kitten bit of Bialystock and Bloom's ditzy ingenue turned over sexed secretary Ulla. Watching Thurman seriously try to sing and dance properly here is like watching an untrained baboon put on a snowsuit by itself - you don't know whether to laugh or cry, or reach for a tranquilizer gun to end the misery. Despite those two disappointing missives, 'The Producers' is still an incredibly funny and worthwhile time at the movies over-all.

Definitely check out this musical screw ball farce for its inspired revamping of the famously irreverent guilty pleasure classic.

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Protocols of Zion
REVIEWED 01/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

Inspired by a provocative rumour apparently believed worldwide that as many as four thousand Jews were covertly warned to stay home and spared from the Al-Qaeda terrorist attacks made upon Manhattan's World Trade Center towers on the morning of September 11, 2001, documentary filmmaker Marc Levine ('The Last Party' (1993), 'Brooklyn Babylon' (2001)) attempts to distinguish fact from a maelstrom of varying radical opinions that seem to stem from a Centuries-old, so-called Jewish conspiracy of global domination through deception and terror published as The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Unfortunately, a paying audience will probably leave afterwards feeling as though this movie could have been a whole lot better. I sure did.

This isn't a cinematic exercise in literary history that carefully dissects one ridiculously dubious source of hatred against Jews. This ninety-two minute flick is more a disturbingly lazy, low budget home movie bordering on being a bad "mockumentary" at times. It casually skims the surface - possibly to avoid lending credence - presenting a series of man-on-the-street and those-in-the-know interviews that all curiously veer back to footage of Levine spending quality time with his increasingly frail father Al. However, the majority of it is all over the place. Claims that five Jewish men were spotted celebrating the 9/11 attacks on the day it happened spawns an uneventful clip from an Israeli talk show featuring them after being deported from the US. Somebody questions aspects of the Holocaust, so the camera is pointed at an aged survivor who recounts his horrifying experiences. The premiere of Mel Gibson's 'The Passion of The Christ' (2004) somehow crops up, so the contentious subject of Jews as Christ killers sidetracks this film in yet another direction. Sure, short passages are included as narrative from the book, but 'Protocols of Zion' suffers from attention deficit throughout, aimlessly resembling a pale cousin of something Michael Moore might have slapped together in his sleep. Fact-wise, it almost grudgingly cites this inexplicably resilient twenty-four chapter book of malicious nonsense in a brief aside as hate propaganda used by the Russian Secret Police around the time of the 1917 Bolshevik Revolution, that was later adopted by Ford Motor Company founder Henry Ford and Third Reich Führer Adolf Hitler during WWII, before resurfacing yet again in contemporary White Supremacist mail order catalogues and referred to as truth in the Middle East and elsewhere. According to the Wikipedia Online Encyclodedia, The Protocols of the Elders of Zion - which outlines the Centennial meeting of an Illuminati-like star chamber of Zionist leaders plotting to lord over and annihilate all non-believers worldwide - began as an anti-Semitic 1897 Tsarist goons' retooling of Prussian spy Hermann Goedsche's 1868 book that swiped bits from one of The Count of Monte Cristo novelist Alexandre Dumas' works and from French satirist Maurice Joly's Dialogue aux enfers entre Machiavel et Montesquieu (1865), where Hell residing Florentine puppet master Niccolò Machiavelli and political philosopher Charles-Louis de Secondat, Baron de La Brède et de Montesquieu discuss how reigning monarch Napoléon Bonaparte III could surpass his famous Uncle's geographic dynasty in total. This is absolutely fascinating relevant stuff obviously worth digging in to that isn't mentioned by Levine at all, and no acknowledged "scholars" of the Protocols are included in this screening with any memorable prominence. It's almost as though the findings of basic research didn't come with good enough visuals, so were ignored in favour of a length of Nazi reel and a few Muslim TV clips before hitting the road looking for catchy sound bites, crazy eyed fanatics and meandering quirky paths that essentially lead nowhere - sabotaging Levine's arguments in the process. It's embarrassing how disorganized and glaringly uninsightful this movie truly is, frankly. All of the most compelling content has absolutely nothing to do with what the title or preamble suggests - except for when New York Medical Examiner Shiya Rabowsky responds to the 9/11 rumour by talking about his job identifying the fragments of victims lost on that terrible day.

Many of the aspects touched upon in this 2005 documentary are absolutely well worth investigating for the big screen, but they're predominantly devalued as presented in this aggravatingly murky and superficial waste of celluloid.

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The Pink Panther
REVIEWED 02/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
www.ofrb.gov.on.ca | www.rcq.gouv.qc.ca


REVIEW:

Co-writer/star Steve Martin ('Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid' (1982), 'Cheaper by the Dozen' (2003)) completely undermines this second big screen attempt to kick start the Inspector Jacques Clouseau franchise made famous by Brit comedian Peter Sellers (1925-1980), in this dreadfully corny contemporary "prequel" that sends neophyte Clouseau cluelessly investigating the murder of French soccer coach Yves Gluant (a cameo by Jason Statham; 'Transporter 2' (2005)) - the owner of the team's lucky, suddenly vanished Pink Panther diamond ring - as a dubious promotion by the Paris Sûreté's conniving Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus (Kevin Kline; 'A Fish Called Wanda' (1988), 'De-Lovely' (2004)). Sigh. Clearly a spoof of acclaimed mystery writer Agatha Christie's (1890-1976) notoriously smug Belgian Private Detective Hercule Poirot - who first appeared in print in The Mysterious Affair at Styles (1920), and is probably best remembered in film for Sir Peter Ustinov's (1921-2004) portrayal of Poirot in 'Death on the Nile' (1978) - Inspector Clouseau became synonymous with straight faced bumbling incompetence almost immediately after premiering in Blake Edwards' 'The Pink Panther (1963), closely followed by the reportedly earlier made/later released classic 'A Shot in the Dark' (1964). Seven additional sequels subsequently appeared, ending with 'Son of the Pink Panther' (1993) starring Roberto Benigni, with the most notable still being the three that had starred Sellers during his lifetime: 'The Return of the Pink Panther (1975), 'The Pink Panther Strikes Again' (1976) and 'Revenge of the Pink Panther' (1978); but not the awful 'Trail of the Pink Panther' (1982), posthumously released containing archive footage of Sellers as Clouseau - resulting in a lawsuit from his widow. When renowned animator Friz Freleng's television series, 'The Pink Panther Show', began featuring shorts called 'The Inspector', Sellers' hilariously deadpan simpleton Clouseau persona was obviously adapted for the small screen there.

That impressive legacy is barely acknowledged with little more than a few props and Martin's embarrassingly childish French accent in this retooled introduction for a new generation of moviegoers who might not know or care about what Peter Sellers did. However, just as if someone might do the same thing with, say, Neo from 'The Matrix' (1999) or Captain Jack from 'The Pirates of the Caribbean' (2003), it's impossible to avoid making comparisons to the original movies from the outset. That done, let's move on. I can honestly say that my overwhelming disappointment with 'The Pink Panther' had absolutely nothing to do with nostalgia and everything to do with it failing to hold up as a consistently entertaining comedy on its own. Director Shawn Levy ('Big Fat Liar' (2002), 'Just Married' (2003)) simply can't decide if this vapid farce is intended for an audience of pre-schoolers - who might actually laugh at the silly voices, fart jokes and Martin's Clouseau bumping into British Secret Agent 006 in the local Casino at one point - or, if Levy had a decidedly older crowd in mind, that would find the Viagra skit and co-star Emily Mortimer ('Lovely & Amazing' (2002), 'Match Point' (2005)) straddling the Inspector's face in one scene and being the brunt of sexually charged punch lines in a few others amusing. You can almost smell the panic that likely haunted the script writing sessions and the set. What killed my enjoyment more often than not is that Martin continually camps it up for the camera, as though desperately begging you to laugh at his woefully thin antics. Clouseau meets 'The Jerk' (1979). Besides, you've probably seen pretty well all of this stuff done much better in 'The Naked Gun' (1988) and the 'Hot Shots!' (1991) pictures anyways, so even the story feels stale.

Yes, this ninety-three minute mess will likely tempt parades to the theatre based solely on the fact that it's linked by name and contrived reference to the earlier Sellers classics that it then summarily ignores, and it'll probably spawn an equally opportunistic and boring sequel of its own, but this stinker is hardly worth the stock it's filmed on.

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The Promise
REVIEWED 05/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
www.ofrb.gov.on.ca | www.rcq.gouv.qc.ca


REVIEW:

A foolish childhood pact made as a starving war orphan with the devious Goddess Manshen (Hong Chen) to gain beauty and wealth at the loss of ever lasting love now seems to curse Princess Qingcheng (Cecilia Cheung; 'Dong jing gong lüe' (2000), 'Mong bat liu' (2003)) for the last time in the arms of General Guangming (Hiroyuki Sanada; 'Ringu' (1998), 'The Last Samurai' (2003)), fierce leader of the Crimson Army and the man Qingcheng believes saved her from the clutches of marauding Duke Wuhuan (Nicholas Tse; 'Lensman: Power of the Lens' (2000), 'Daai lo oi mei lai' (2004)), but Guangming and his speedy slave Kunlun (Dong-Kun Jang; 'Taegukgi hwinalrimyeo' (2004), 'Chingoo' (2001)) know the truth and keep it from her as Manshen's spell promises unrelenting misery upon them all, in this surprisingly juvenile 2005 Chinese romance fantasy from writer/director Kaige Chen ('The First Emperor' (1999), 'Farewell My Concubine' (1993)).

While some of the CGI effects are incredibly captivating, and much of the heavily choreographed wire work fight scenes are undeniably eye popping at times, Chen's story tends to fall flat as a consistently interesting big screen fable once you cut through all of the bells and whistles. I realize it's supposed to be taken as a kind of fairy tale, where a man can outrun a stampede of charging bulls so fast that he rewrites physics with each blurred step, but no-where does 'Wu ji' (its original homegrown title) let you know that you're going to be sitting through an imported children's movie that only North American children who understand Mandarin will sit through from beginning to closing credits. Maybe they'd sit through all of it in one go, but I doubt most kids will be interested in reading a movie. I'd read that this one's a blockbuster in China, so hopefully I'm wrong about how poorly it'll do here. It's a fairly intense and violent flick during the action sequences, frankly. The main problems with 'The Promise' are that it drags along whenever people aren't flailing fists and feet at each other, and while some of the performances from Jang, Sanada and Cheung are quite good, these small sparks almost seem unintentional when you consider that they have a tough time keeping in character throughout the majority of this hundred and two-minute picture. These are good actors who have all proven their abilities elsewhere, but a paying audience wouldn't know it from the final cut here. And, that's a shame. 'The Promise' is reportedly the most expensive Chinese movie made in history to date, but it's fairly clear that a lot of that cash went into superficial post production digital effects work and not into pre-production screenwriting sessions in order to tighten and polish this story as a worthwhile effort for moviegoers who have out grown enjoying watching human finger puppets be shoved around the set for the camera. Even the high end look that's probably a result of cinematographer Peter Pau using a high definition digital movie camera makes this one feel fake, as though it's a live action Saturday Morning episode lifted from the small screen that's been recut as a feature. Sure, the costuming and set design is incredible over-all. The art direction throughout is fantastic as well. However, picture book looks ain't everything at the theatre.

This potential rental would probably be most enjoyed by kids who are learning to read English, because it's got loads of fun visuals and enough action and suspense for them to want to know what the characters are saying through the subtitles, but 'The Promise' doesn't really deliver as a captivating saga beyond the special effects.

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Poseidon
REVIEWED 05/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

Lone wolf professional seafaring gambler Dylan Johns (Josh Lucas; 'Alive' (1993), 'Glory Road' (2006)) ends up leading a small group of fellow passengers on a perilous escape aboard the capsized luxury ocean liner Poseidon, after a freak tidal wave hits it at midnight on New Years Eve, in this fairly forgettable remake from director Wolfgang Petersen ('Das Boot' (1981), 'Troy' (2004)) of the star studded 1972 disaster flick, 'The Poseidon Adventure', itself based on writer Paul Gallico's Titanic-inspired 1970 novel. Surprisingly, it doesn't take long for 'Poseidon' to begin playing out like a survival computer game, where loosely established and relentlessly uninteresting stereotypical characters do little more than scurry away from being drowned, burned alive, impaled or squashed while attempting to get off that sinking ship. There's nothing particularly compelling about any of these panicked, potential survivors as their number slowly dwindles throughout their maze-like obstacle course. That's mainly because not a whole lot of time is spent fleshing them out. Big action sequences take priority, despite the fact that most of them make absolutely no sense. That's the main problem with this ninety-nine minute watery mess. It feels as though there's a carefully constructed story missing at the beginning, where a paying audience might have been given the opportunity to know more than a short handed brief about this troupe - that includes former New York Mayor Robert Ramsey (Kurt Russell; 'Tango & Cash' (1989), 'Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story' (2005)), his feisty adult daughter Jennifer (Emmy Rossum; 'Mystic River' (2003), 'The Phantom of the Opera' (2004)) and her boyfriend Conor James (Jimmy Bennett; 'Hostage' (2005), 'Firewall' (2006)), lovelorn architect Richard Nelson (Richard Dreyfuss; 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' (1977), 'The American President' (1995)), and hapless stowaway Elena Gonzalez (Mía Maestro) - as well being given the chance to become familiar enough with the various levels and possible escape routes on board. None of this really happens, before that monster wall of Atlantic Ocean curls into this doomed vessel, turning this movie into a noisy body count of special effects where Lucas and Russell seem to heavily rely on a suspiciously magical knowledge of the ship's architecture and inner workings.

The worst aspect is that the basic story doesn't make any sense. They're inside an upside-down boat that's primarily made of glass, where it's quickly decided that navigating through up-turned hallways of charred corpses, scaling across gnarled beams that are floors above the gaping lobby's ceiling, and cramming through yards of flooding narrow duct work towards getting outside makes more sense than simply smashing a window and swimming to freedom early on. It's not as though man eating sharks or blood thirsty mutant pirate ghosts enter this wreck to motivate this crew to higher ground on the lower decks - although, that would be kinda cool - so, your aggravation level steadily rises with the tide as they mindlessly make their way up and around and through, to the prerequisite giant rotating blades of the propellers that block their final exit to safety. All of that time and effort wasted, because nobody thought to break open a cabin port hole. Nobody even tries. They're too busy running away from the water, so that the crumbling ship can pick them off one by one, until they can eventually jump into the ocean. Of course, such crazy logic as immediately breaking a window in a sinking glass ship would seriously reduce 'Poseidon' to a ten-minute flick, but that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. Perhaps then, Petersen and screenwriter Mark Protosevich would have spent more time on the characters' individual stories in order to make a far more interesting picture than the one presented here in the final cut.

'Poseidon' might have seemed like a potentially fun catharsis on paper, for moviegoers to escape the world's fear-stricken realities, but it's a pale placebo that's unbelievably pointless over-all and hardly worth the price of admission.

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A Prairie Home Companion
REVIEWED 06/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

The fictional last show of American columnist and humourist Garrison Keillor's actual radio variety program that he's hosted and performed for a live theatre audience since its beginnings in 1974 presents director Robert Altman ('The Player' (1992), 'Gosford Park' (2001)) with quite a few challenges throughout this aggravatingly bland, star-studded cinematic back stage pass, as young Lola Johnson (Lindsay Lohan; 'Mean Girls' (2004), 'Just My Luck' (2006)) witnesses her doting mother Yolanda (Meryl Streep; 'Death Becomes Her' (1992), 'The Manchurian Candidate' (2004)) and Aunt Rhonda (Lily Tomlin; 'Nine to Five' (1980), 'I Heart Huckabees' (2004)) - the last two singers from the original family quartet - hesitantly prepare for their final curtain after decades in show business, and grinnin' and pickin' cowboy regulars Dusty (Woody Harrelson; 'Natural Born Killers' (1994), 'After the Sunset' (2004)) and Lefty (John C. Reilly; 'Chicago' (2002), 'Dark Water' (2005)) get ready to regale fans with hilariously rude songs from a seemingly endless repertoire, while part time stage security V.P. P.I. Guy Noir (Kevin Kline; 'Dave' (1993), 'The Pink Panther' (2006)) splits his attention between the expected visit from Mr. Pruett (Tommy Lee Jones; 'Eyes of Laura Mars' (1978), 'Man of the House' (2005)) - the axe man sent by the radio station's new Texan owners to oversee this St. Paul, Minnesota mainstay show's demise - and the unexpected appearance of a mysterious woman in white, Lois Peterson (Virginia Madsen; 'The Prophecy' (1995), 'Sideways' (2004)), who seems wistfully distracted by her fateful mission there.

It seems immediately clear from the opening scene that the movie 'A Prairie Home Companion' is specifically intended for diehard fans of the weekly weekend radio show 'A Prairie Home Companion', which is reportedly aired on U.S. public radio throughout the States and on BBC Radio in the UK. It takes a while for the uninitiated to figure out this hundred and fifty-minute big screen swan song really isn't about much of anything in particular, other than it being an oftentimes wryly anecdote riddled slice of life snap shot of this cast doing their last evening's gig at a job they've come to call home. That would be fine if Keillor's screenplay had bothered to weave a captivating story line to pull all of this film's down home vignettes and musical interludes together, but it doesn't. These character simply exist, portrayed for the most part as though a paying audience has grown up with these voices, purposefully buying a ticket to bid a fond farewell. It doesn't work. Altman seems so overtly mesmerized by the relentlessly affected improvisational performances of this cast of otherwise proven talent while they self-indulgently muddle and meander through their scripted lines, that there's barely any evidence of his presence here at all. 'A Prairie Home Companion' ends up feeling like a point and shoot home movie, about a family of misfits that you're never really given any good reason to care about what happens to. Harrelson and Reilly's couple of naughty tunes are definitely the highlights, but they're relatively brief and could easily be enjoyed more effectively if made available for easy download, without you having to slog through the rest of this celluloid sleeping pill. Klein is pretty well the only player here who makes an over-all effort to keep you motivated to stay tuned in, and yet he spends most of his screen time heavily relying on tired bygone physical comedy that I can remember laughing at back when I was this many fingers old. Yawn. What remains are pockets of corny skits and folksy spiritual tunes that are measurably fun to sit through, but also hardly worth the full price of admission. This picture is plotless in tangible structure. It's purposeless, with regards to it being consistently entertaining. And, it's pointlessly wasteful throughout, because you've seen these actors do far better work in the past. Sure, they're all obviously having a great time playing around with their individual roles for the camera, but none of that enjoyment effectively washes over you while waiting for the closing credits to finally bring sweet sweet release from Keillor's melancholy baby.

Sadly, unless you're a faithful fan of the radio show, or simply can't get enough of any of the recognizable names who idly poke their way through this one, steer clear of 'A Prairie Home Companion' unless you like to take long naps at the movie theatre.

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Phir Hera Pheri
REVIEWED 06/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
www.ofrb.gov.on.ca | www.rcq.gouv.qc.ca


REVIEW:

Living in the lap of luxury isn't enough for incorrigible Mumbaian risk taker Raju (Akshay Kumar; 'Garam Masala' (2005), 'Hum Ko Deewana Kar Gaye' (2006)), when he's seduced by gorgeous Laxmi Chit Fund broker Anuradha (Bipasha Basu; 'Mere Yaar Ki Shaadi Hai' (2002), 'No Entry' (2005)) to invest the combined total of one hundred million rupees quickly pooled from his and his friends Shyam (Sunil Shetty; 'Main Hoon Na' (2004), 'Darna Zaroori Hai' (2006)) and Baburao's (Paresh Rawal; 'Sardar' (1993), 'Aan: Men at Work' (2004)) fortune and money added by a shifty character named Pappu (Rajpal Yadav; 'Waqt: The Race Against Time' (2005), 'Shaadi No. 1 (2005)), in this surprisingly disjointed subtitled Bollywood comedy from writer/director Neeraj Vora ('Khiladi 420' (2000)), where Anuradha suddenly disappears with their ten crores rupee, sinking our three millionaires into poverty and on the run from Pappu - who it turns out got his portion of that investment from his mobster boss Tiwari (Sharat Saxena; 'Dost' (1989), 'Barsaat' (2005)) - while Raju stumbles upon neighbour Munna's (Johnny Lever; 'Dulhe Raja' (1998), 'Chalte Chalte' (2003)) scheme to rob the corrupt local police of their drug trafficking earnings. This sequel of 'Hera Pheri' (2000) has such a ridiculously contrived and muddled plot for the most part, and yet it manages to crank out a wealth of truly hilarious scenes of primarily physical and campy humour throughout the first half of its hundred and fifty-three minute run time. Rawal absolutely steals the show here, as a riotously irreverent goof ball who continually explodes with klutzy rage behind his gold rimmed thick glasses and good natured yet oafish demeanor. The introduction suggests that while Raju lost his mother and that Shyam lost his beloved girlfriend when these three bachelors suddenly gained their riches six years ago, Baburao - called "Babu" for short here - lost his senses.

Admittedly, its mostly droll gags reminiscent of Red Skelton's and Jerry Lewis' stuff from almost half a Century ago, but he definitely had me laughing out loud more than once during the initial hour or so of this screening. Other memorable highlights include Saxena's hugely silly, thick tongued performance that easily transcends any kind of Hindi to English language barrier, and Lever's wonderfully erratic portrayal as a volatile wannabe criminal mastermind. Unfortunately, pretty well everything else in 'Phir Hera Pheri' is either sabotaged by a sheer lack of cohesive story telling, or sinks into a quagmire of horribly childish shenanigans that fail to give a paying audience that's over the age of this many fingers any reason to feel entertained. It ends up pandering to what this flick seems to suggest are the short attention spans and low production value expectations of little children. The aggravatingly talent wasting circus portion that eats up a big part of the second half is a glaring example of how Vora completely ignores this film's potential. 'Phir Hera Pheri' actually would have been a better movie if it had run half as long. I kept hoping that this one would pick up its already established momentum as a worthwhile effort after the intended intermission, but all you're handed are a couple of weirdly clumsy chase scenes starring Basu in desperate need of a sports bra and better shoes, an unconvincing dramatic side story where Rimi Sen is given a little more screen time as Pappu's sister and Raju's plot unimportant love interest Anjali, odd moments shot with a fish eye lens for absolutely no tangible reason, and a bunch of lazily concocted skits that further confound and bore you until the curiously prerequisite bimbette wiggle dancers fronted by this primary cast strut into view for the few remaining musical numbers that pale by comparison to the first two songs. It's almost as though somebody lost the only copy of the screenplay halfway through the shooting schedule - that makes a short stopover in Las Vegas for no particular reason - and Vora and crew just made up the rest of it in front of the camera until the money and film stock ran out.

Rent this one for the absolute non-stop raucous hilarity of the first half, but do yourself a favour and avoid sitting through the horrendously bad last hour of this campy riches to rags tale.

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Les Poupées Russes
REVIEWED 07/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

Picking up almost five years from where writer/director Cédric Klapisch's ('Un air de famille' (1996), 'Ni pour, ni contre (bien au contraire)' (2003)) highly acclaimed, predominantly French farce 'L’Auberge espagnole' (2002) left off, thirty year-old chronically perplexed womanizing freelance writer Xavier Rousseau (Romain Duris; 'Déjà mort' (1998), 'Le Divorce' (2003)) perpetually agonizes over both his script rewrites for a cheesy television romance and the enigmatic details of his own search for love, between Xavier's continual Chunnel commutes from Paris to London and back again in Klapisch's oftentimes wonderfully insightful and sporadically irreverent sequel, where Rousseau awkwardly eases into a kind of maturity about his various female acquaintances towards realizing that what he truly craves has been available to him all along.

It's tough to avoid feeling as though this hundred and twenty-five minute subtitled comedy of unabashed youthful promiscuity is a leftover from the Sexual Revolution of the 1960's at times. Glaring shades of 'Alfie' (1966) do shine through throughout. And yes, there's nudity. However, 'Russian Dolls' (its English title) is definitely a thoughtfully contemporary film for the most part, breathing significantly fascinating life into these returning characters who are a little older and vaguely wiser than before. Duris pulls in an incredibly fresh performance here, easily tilting between the extremes of physical buffoonery and high drama as Xavier intellectually wrestles with an inevitable maturity that he's not particularly emotionally equipped to handle - while endlessly bounding from one lover's bed to the next. Most of the primary cast from the original also make an appearance, but this new story arc mainly focuses on Rousseau's ambivalent relationship with ex-girlfriend Martine (brilliantly played by Audrey Tautou ('Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain' (2001), 'The Da Vinci Code' (2006)), the humourously weird circumstances that arise through Xavier's friendship with decidedly butchy Isabelle (effortless scene stealer Cécile De France; 'Haute tension' (2003), 'Around the World in 80 Days' (2004)), and his eventually complicated close working collaboration with Brit writer Wendy (Kelly Reilly; 'The Libertine' (2004), 'Pride & Prejudice' (2005)) on the heels of his torrid yet superficial affair ghostwriting for international super model Celia (Lucy Gordon; 'Serendipity' (2001), 'The Four Feathers' (2002)). It reads like a sex farce - and, sometimes plays out that way - but, this flick is clearly a character driven labour of love for this cast, that continually examines the deeper sides of romance and how those sometimes hurtful consequences specifically affect and change these players. There's a lot of stuff going on here, and it's all outstanding. I loved the expressive non-verbal nuances that punctuate almost every key scene, that are rarely seen in this type of film. Unlike in the 1960's, today's reality of relentless immediacy spurs a seemingly desperate craving for lasting and meaningful connections that overwhelms the usual fickle needs of impulsive unconditional passion, and it's masterfully depicted here. That's what makes it a small treasure well worth the price of admission. It's about growing up without a road map to life, and about making conscious sacrifices without knowing what matters. 'Les Poupées russes' is riotously funny, but it's also astoundingly believable for a paying audience to almost instinctively tap into and empathize with. It's also fun to watch how Klapisch plays around with referential flashbacks towards stylishly revealing the dilemma that Xavier now faces, and the combined efforts made on the wildly eclectic soundtrack are memorably impressive. The only notably curious flaw is near the closing credits, where this one's prerequisite happy ending seems uncomfortably forced and doesn't quite match up perfectly with what's unfolded previously - as though a major portion of fairly important dialogue was summarily cut during Francine Sandberg's final edit for some unknown reason. It's still an extremely enjoyable time at the movies over-all, though. Don't let it put you off screening it, but I should probably also mention that a few of the quick laughs do heavily rely on you listening to how things are said in French, regardless of whether or not you're able to immediately catch the phonetic translations of those gags in the subtitles.

Definitely check out 'Les Poupées russes' as an oftentimes riotous coming of age romp commendably balanced by high caliber drama that's intended for a mature audience and memorably satisfying throughout. Good stuff.

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Pirates of the Caribbean 2
REVIEWED 07/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

Scandalously opportunistic Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp; 'Platoon' (1986), 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' (2005)) of the notorious pirate ship The Black Pearl returns to the swampy Haitian shores of Tortuga in the hopes that a reclusive seer named Tia Dalma (Naomie Harris; '28 Days Later...' (2002), 'After the Sunset' (2004)) can help him locate the secret location of a uniquely forged key that could possibly win Sparrow the ultimate treasure - his life - in this visually exquisite yet overwhelmingly bland sequel of Disney Studios' five-time Oscar nominated 'Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl' (2003) from returning director Gore Verbinski ('The Ring' (2002), 'The Weather Man' (2005)) that's based on Disneyland's long running animatronic amusement ride, where that key unlocks the buried treasure chest of Davy Jones (Bill Nighy; 'Eye of the Needle' (1981), 'Underworld: Evolution' (2006)), ghoulishly merciless captain of The Flying Dutchman and feared master of the ship smashing giant sea monster known as The Kraken, who agrees to a three-day reprieve from their thirty year-old pact, in which time Jack must join Jones' accursed crew of motley creatures for a Century if he fails to bring back one hundred souls in his stead.

While sitting through this poorly effective hundred and fifty-minute live action cartoon, I kept wondering to myself if anyone from this production had actually bothered to watch the first movie in this reported three-picture franchise. None of that feature's magic materializes here, with Depp appearing to be completely disinterested in his role and continually fading into the background for the most part, while screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio's script desperately attempts to push every other toggle and button that might kick start things. They fail. The dialogue is woefully lacking as well, disastrously nose diving into chicken headed jabbery tribal nonsense that could easily be considered offensive to Caribbean natives. Over-all, and apart from the absolutely seamless and incredibly stunning CGI effects, 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest' (its complete title) feels like a bashed together television spin-off that's populated with surprisingly drab caricatures of the real cast. Remember the 'Beetle Juice' (1988) TV cartoon compared to the movie? yeah. Everything clearly hinges on this film's expectations that a paying audience keenly remembers what a great romp 'The Curse of the Black Pearl' was, without actually rewarding those same ticket holders for coming back for seconds. I laughed four times, and I'll laugh at anything that's remotely humourous. Sure, it's great how this tall tale retools and weaves in the arguably fictitious Monkee... uh, I mean pirate Davy Jones - whose infamous locker (Davy Jones' Locker is a bygone nautical slang term from at least the 17th Century that refers to the bottom of the ocean where the Devil collects drowned seafarers) was reportedly first referenced in print in 1726 - and The Flying Dutchman ghost ship believed to have inspired Wagner's 1841 titular Opera and that was later cobbled by clergyman A.H.C. Römer in his 1846 story Het Vliegend Schip from much earlier published yarns and lore, but even all of that effort as depicted here ends up playing out as being fairly superficial and silly. For instance, Stellan Skarsgård ('Beowulf & Grendel' (2005), 'Good Will Hunting' (1997)) reappears as a decidedly crustier Bootstrap Bill, partially encrusted in barnacles and coral, with a goofy orange starfish slapped on the side of his face, and you're forced to witness the tentacled beard of Nighy's Jones weirdly tinkle the ivories of a smoke belching pipe organ that's kept in his dim quarters for no apparent reason what-so-ever. It's as though horror survival video game animators lazily shoveled their leftover character designs onto the screen, and Jones's octopus-like face was (I guess) the aftermath of someone stumbling upon an H.P. Lovecraft fan website. The same holds true for the continuing love angle between young William Turner (Orlando Bloom; 'The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring' (2001), 'Kingdom of Heaven' (2005)) and his fiancé Elizabeth "Liz" Swann (Keira Knightley; 'Bend It Like Beckham' (2002), 'Domino' (2005)), where they both take different adventures in trying to find and save Jack from public execution at the hands of conniving Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander; 'Enigma' (2001), 'Pride & Prejudice' (2005)). None of it matters, though. Yes, there's a lot of sword play and wild physical stunts, but this flick basically rehashes every Period action cliché that hasn't been fresh since Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.'s (1883-1939) legendary Tinseltown swashbuckling days in the 1920's.

Perhaps I'm jaded, but I recall how richly textured and breath taking the first movie was, and I truly expected even more actual story and character development to underpin this one's special effects. Not an overtly hyped, self-referential cinematic regurgitation bloated with pedantic gags that rarely spark a chuckle, which is what you get. Even if you're either a kid at heart or a diehard fan of anyone from this cast, you're probably better off renting the first one again and steering clear of this curiously disappointing wreck of washed up jokes and soggy, sadly familiar plot contrivances.

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The Proposition
REVIEWED 07/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
www.ofrb.gov.on.ca | www.rcq.gouv.qc.ca


REVIEW:

Consumed by the impossible duty of bringing justice to the wild Outback of circa 1880's Australia, Banyon-based British Army Captain Morris Stanley (Ray Winstone; 'Sexy Beast' (2000), 'King Arthur' (2004)) strikes a secret bargain with captured outlaw Charlie Burns (Guy Pearce; 'L.A. Confidential' (1997), 'The Count of Monte Cristo' (2002)): See Christmas Day swinging from the hangman's noose along with his simpleton younger brother Mike (Richard Wilson; 'Deck Dogz' (2005)), or be pardoned in return for riding alone through the blazing December desert and killing the land's most notoriously elusive leader of a small band of blood thirsty bandits - their eldest brother Arthur Burns (Danny Huston; '21 Grams' (2003), 'The Constant Gardener' (2005)), additionally wanted for the rape of a pregnant woman viciously murdered along with her family - within the next nine days, in this visually stunning and unflinchingly gory 2005 Western from Queensland-born director John Hillcoat ('Ghosts... of the Civil Dead' (1988), 'To Have and to Hold' (1996)), where loose rumours about the upstanding Captain's highly questionable secret pact with Charlie soon enrage the townsfolk, forcing the local Magistrate to usurp Stanley's authority and have Mike dragged from his cell and publicly whipped to ease tensions - until Burns rides in.

This is probably going to sound callous, but screenwriter/composer Nick Cave's script doesn't effectively illustrate enough of the gruesome background regarding this fictional case for a paying audience to truly get a feel for how utterly despicable Charlie's older sibling is. You merely see the aftermath, and are never really shown any other reasons to believe that Arthur is the evil incarnate that the authorities paint him as being. He's mainly shown staring at picturesque sunsets from his rocky perch. In fact, much of this hundred and four-minute movie's story heavily relies on bland hearsay as referential guides for a paying audience to understand the dynamics that exist amongst these characters, making it tough to become fully engrossed by what transpires. It's as though it was discovered during editing that key scenes were missing, and there was no time or money to add them to the final cut. A large dose of character development definitely would have greatly strengthened the core figures, and you get the distinct impression that Hillcoat's style of directing is as more of a spectator than as a purposefully guiding hand. The result of all of that makes 'The Proposition' feel unnecessarily indulgent, experimental and difficult to tap into. Yes, many of the performances here are intensely fascinating. Tortured ambivalence wonderfully gnarls Winstone's face throughout, and Emily Watson ('Angela's Ashes' (1999), 'Corpse Bride' (2005)) contributes in an impeccable effort as the Captain's prim yet fragile wife Martha. It's also great to see David Gulpilil ('Crocodile Dundee' (1986), 'Rabbit-Proof Fence' (2002)) on the big screen in a slightly different kind of role, as the Army's gritty native tracker Jacko. Of course, Pearce is the star here, effortlessly electrifying his predominantly sparse scenes with an uncanny grandeur while systematically caked in a layer of grime and blood. He almost succeeds in single handedly making this otherwise aggravatingly disjointed film a joy to sit through. The other obvious stars here are the collective efforts of this picture's design team deftly art directed by Bill Booth and Marita Mussett, where every stick of Victorian furniture and stitch of bug encrusted fabric looks exactly like how they would have in this desolate corner of the world at that specific time. The consistently outstanding attention to detail makes 'The Proposition' feel like a living museum exhibit gorgeously captured by cinematographer Benoît Delhomme's Leone inspired lens. The unconscious urge to pick the sand from your teeth is pervasive. That too almost manages to make it a worthwhile screening over-all. However, the story itself tends to drag for no apparent reason and seems disproportionately superficial in comparison to the richness of its visuals and what ever each actor naturally brings to the set. Unfortunately, this is a poorly written feature that's fortunate enough to have a lot of truly talented people working on the rest of it within and behind the scenes. I noticed afterwards that it's won awards as well as much praise at home and abroad, making me suspect that I watched a different, shorter version than what the pros and judges saw, but I doubt it.

'The Proposition' is a vaguely interesting and luxuriously ugly curiosity, but you're likely better off sticking with 'Ned Kelly' (2003) or the classics of famed directors Sergio Leone, John Huston and John Ford for that wholly satisfying true grit feel of the open range.

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Pulse
REVIEWED 08/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

Increasingly tormented after finding her strangely reclusive boyfriend Josh (Jonathan Tucker; 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (2003), 'Criminal' (2004)) dead in his dim apartment - seemingly linked to a spooky web cam site and a growing rash of student suicides - University Psychology Senior Mattie Webber (Kristen Bell; 'Spartan' (2004)) becomes convinced that she's being stalked by ghosts that inhabit all of the communications networks on campus, in this visually impressive yet surprisingly unimaginative Horror from feature debuting director Jim Sonzero that's reportedly a remake of Japanese writer/director Kiyoshi Kurosawa's 'Kairo' (2001), where Mattie's other friends slowly succumb to the afterlife's diabolical soul stealing hunger.

I guess I live in a fantasy land, where I figure if you're going to spend lots of time and money remaking a cult favourite, you're going to make the new version at least one percent better (not ninety percent worse). This hugely disappointing flick feels a lot like a recobbled swipe of 'Fear Dot Com' (2002) that's visually influenced by 'The Ring' (2002), 'White Noise' (2005) and 'Silent Hill' (2006), but without much of a fully realized story to hold everything together. The fairly clever premise that suggests legions of evil ghoulies have overtaken a network's main frame and are attacking via wired electronics such as internet computers and cell phones ends up being lazily tossed away as little more than vapid pretense here, simply to provide these crazy mixed up kids with a reason to run away through dark corridors, look terrified most of the time, and make you expect to see them hop into their Scooby-Doo Mystery Machine VW van any minute. The primary cast also includes Ian Somerhalder ('The Rules of Attraction' (2002), 'In Enemy Hands' (2004), Christina Milian ('Love Don't Cost a Thing' (2003), 'Be Cool' (2005)), Rick Gonzalez ('Coach Carter' (2005), 'War of the Worlds' (2005)) and Samm Levine ('National Lampoon's Barely Legal' (2003), 'Broken Lizard's Club Dread' (2004)). Their characters' horrifying fate - if grabbed by those fiendish, chalky naked spectres, before a hacked software virus kept on a portable hard drive is uploaded to save the world in the nick of time - is that a fog of lethargy and indifference overwhelms these young adults. It's tough to distinguish who's soul has been grabbed or not, until they start bursting into ashen plumes of sullen depression, summarily appearing on what appears to be a phantom YouTube site for the terminally glum. yawn. A convincing enough reason for the decidedly more hostile ghosts to be jolting out from the shadows like hokey carnival mannequins is never clearly given - other than a trembling Milian suggesting they've suddenly decided they don't want to be stuck in limbo anymore - and there's no perceptible rhyme or reason to what ever happens, failing to give a paying audience any reason to care about this doomed post-secondary clique of relentlessly morose human finger puppets sleep walking through their roles 'til the real acting jobs call for auditions. The obvious talent of this small cast is completely wasted, unfortunately. 'Pulse' has all the makings of being just another aggravatingly mindless live action horror survival arcade game splashed across the big screen, that's reminiscent of the numbingly cheesy, clueless-teens-in-peril slasher movies from half a Century ago, but edited for the MTV crowd. The only memorable aspects that this one has going for it are the disproportionately impressive special effects that are mostly highlighted in the ads. A lot of that stuff isn't explained either, it just looks really cool and that should be enough (I guess).

So much plot potential takes a back seat to goofy mediocrity throughout, that it's fairly easy to conclude that 'Pulse' simply doesn't have one.

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The Protector
REVIEWED 09/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

Primed since childhood to become one of the legendary warrior Jaturungkabart who protect the sacred elephants of Thailand's untamed jungles, Kham Koi (Tony Jaa; 'Ong-Bak: Muay Thai Warrior' (2003)) ends up evading fighting Simm Corp's Japanese crime syndicate based in Sydney, Australia and housed in the evil Madame Rose's (debuting Xing Jing) exclusive Tum Yum Goong restaurant, after Kham's aged father (Sotorn Rungruaeng) is killed attempting to stop the goons of a corrupt royal official from kidnapping their tribe's prized bull Por-Yai and its ten year-old calf Kohrn, in this deliriously goofy subtitled 2005 action adventure from director Prachya Pinkaew ('Goet iik thii tawng mii theu' (1995), 'Ong-Bak: Muay Thai Warrior' (2003)) that might as well be called 'Ong-Bak 2' like it reportedly is in its homeland, where Lieutenant Detective and Thai ex-patriot Mark (comedian Petchtai Wongkamlao; 'Ong-Bak: Muay Thai Warrior' (2003), 'Cherm' (2005)) is framed for the ambush and execution style murder of a top Police official and joins forces with Kham to find his elephants and bring down that criminal family.

It's fair to say that "Where are my elephants?!" will likely be one of the most memorable movie quips from this year's crop of flicks because of this hundred and nine-minute furious feast of flying knees and elbows, but 'The Protector' is a predominantly laughable and forgettable curiosity throughout. Sure, it's clearly a hastily cobbled, low budget showcase for more of Jaa's brutal full bodied Muay Thai style of fighting, relentlessly marching legions of faceless baddies towards him in systematically larger numbers as this film progresses and the plot deflates. The elephants are merely used as a reason to get his character out of the Rain Forests of Thailand and into the concrete jungle of Sydney, frankly. It's a revenge picture that aspires to become a classic, but writers Kongdej Jaturanrasamee, Napalee, Piyaros Thongdee and Joe Wannapin's screenplay is so poorly concocted, as though it was jumbled together minutes before each scene was shot, that a paying audience ends up not really caring too much about what happens to any of the main characters. It's tough to imagine how four writers could get so much so wrong, so completely, and still manage to depict pretty well anyone who isn't played by Jaa or Wongkamlao as being so exasperatingly nasty. For instance, Kham's beloved dies in his arms, and yet he's summarily forgotten about that entire traumatic moment by the time he arrives in Australia two weeks later. "Where are my elephants?!" becomes his mantra. Breaking the bones and kicking in the gnashing teeth of as many goons on foot, rollerblades, BMX bikes, motorcycles, and an ATV are the only things that he's capable of doing. There's no thought process or deductive reasoning to Kham searching for the animals torn from his care here. The script merely drops in a prop every so-often, in order to point this blunt human weapon in the direction of where the next army of thugs await. Normally, I'd suggest switching off above the neck and just enjoying the mayhem, but that wouldn't help. There's hardly any momentum, and the ending is pure cheese - complete with an elephant being tossed around like a sack of potatoes. It's comical by accident. Often. Yes, there is one impressive scene that has him thumping up five flights of stairs in one continuous shot, but even the technical wonder of that clever bit of sustained choreography becomes belaboured and mindless to sit through. It's just another body count, without presenting any reason to anticipate what might happen next. Well, another fight happens next. Big surprise. It's a shame that more effort wasn't poured into fleshing out this movie, because the potential is there to raise the bar of kick boxing dramas. Jackie Chan and Jet Li have accomplished that for Chinese martial arts films, successfully building on humanizing what the phenomenal talent of Bruce Lee (1940-1973) managed to do for that genre. 'The Protector' could have done the same thing, if a more capable hand had been guiding this production and Jaa had been encouraged to do more than fling himself at virtually anyone who looks mean in the final cut. The supporting cast that also includes Johnny Nguyen ('Cradle 2 the Grave' (2003)), Bongkoj Khongmalai ('Bangrajan' (2000), 'Gin gwai 10' (2005)) and Nathan Jones ('Troy' (2004), 'Fearless' (2006)) hardly cope with what they're given to work with, summarily defaulting as mind numbing stereotypes that pose and make faces at cinematographer Nattawut Kittikhun's horribly disinterested lens. As with 'Ong-Bak', the lighting during some moments is absolutely terrible here, and the soundtrack is like something from a Saturday morning cartoon.

Rent this one to take in small doses, with your thumb poised over the fast forward button, but it's pretty lousy in terms of keeping you motivated enough to want to see the entire movie.

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The Prestige
REVIEWED 10/06, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

An obsessive rivalry between Victorian London theatre former cohorts Robert "The Great Danton" Angier (Hugh Jackman; 'X-Men' (2000), 'Van Helsing' (2004)) and Alfred "The Professor" Borden (Christian Bale; 'Empire of the Sun' (1987), 'Batman Begins' (2005)) that was born from the accidental drowning death of Angier's stage magician's assistant wife Julia (Piper Perabo; 'Slap Her... She's French' (2002), 'Cheaper by the Dozen 2' (2005)) systematically leads to a deadly game of deception - much to the dismay of their aged mentor, an "Ingenieur" of magical effects devices named Cutter (Michael Caine; 'Deathtrap' (1982), 'Austin Powers in Goldmember' (2002)), when these two separately acclaimed magicians vie to create the ultimate magic trick while perniciously undermining each other, in co-writer/director Christopher Nolan's ('Memento' (2000), 'Batman Begins' (2005)) absolutely intriguing and thoroughly entertaining psychological drama adapted from Christopher Priest's World Fantasy Award winning 1995 novel, in which Borden eventually enjoys the pinnacle of success from perfecting his undisputed illusion entitled The Transported Man only to rot in prison awaiting execution for murder, after Angier returns to England from Colorado Springs with a truly ingenious machine built by Nikola Tesla (David Bowie; 'The Man Who Fell to Earth' (1976), 'Basquiat' (1996)) that overrides any inspiration gleaned from Borden's stolen encoded journal of secrets.

Holy cripes, this is such an overwhelmingly fascinating film from beginning to closing credits. I'll admit that I went in foolishly basing my expectations on what the ads coyly lead you to believe is a film about a bygone stage magician who is really a conjurer of the Black Arts, but I guess that script hasn't been approved by Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling yet. It doesn't matter. So much of Nolan's and co-writing brother Jonathan Nolan's screenplay is carefully constructed to resemble an extremely elaborate magic trick rife with astounding slight of hand asides, that this hundred and twenty-eight minute feature is truly a joy to experience. Sure, there are plot holes. It's never specifically explained how Angier figures out how to decipher Borden's journal, for instance. And, it does take a rather huge leap of faith to accept some of the historical references, and that the real Nikola Tesla (1856-1943) would build such a wildly sparky device used for Angier's The New Transported Man illusion - let alone for you to believe that it can do what it can do, without the local fire marshall sniffing around. The fun is in simply welcoming the notion, and watching to see what comes of that in the final act. Both Jackman and Bale pull in wonderful performances here, effortlessly assuming their clearly defined roles and obviously having a blast in the process of teasing a paying audience with just enough information to keep this picture clicking along at a good pace. This is also notable in how Jackman steps in as Angier's audaciously drunk double Gerald Root, during the early stages of Robert attempting to steal Alfred's crowd pleasing trick of seemingly transporting himself from one cabinet to another in seconds. Jackman as Root is hilarious. The depth of enigmatic subtleties seen in Bale's co-starring contribution is sheer perfection. Probably the only noticeable wrinkle is that it takes a little while to acclimatize to Lee Smith's somewhat non-linear editing style. Another thing that's well worth keeping an eye out for is in how cinematographer Wally Pfister artfully captures an almost ghostly, sepia faded atmosphere in some of the backgrounds throughout. The impressive supporting cast that includes Caine, Bowie, Perabo, Rebecca Hall and Scarlett Johansson ('Ghost World' (2001), 'Scoop' (2006)) each bring compelling dynamics to the all consuming rivalry between these two magicians, adding to the clues for amateur sleuths screening this movie to play along with. Yes, it's a mystery that lets you believe you know what's going to happen, but there really isn't any way for you to completely figure it all out before everything is revealed, unless you know exactly what to look for beforehand. The ending is beautifully chilling.

Definitely check out this absolutely amazing feature for its inspired script and phenomenal cast.

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The Painted Veil
REVIEWED 01/07, © STEPHEN BOURNE
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REVIEW:

Trapped miles away from her London home and wilting in a doomed marriage further poisoned by her adulterous affair with philandering Shanghai official Charlie Townsend (Liev Schreiber; 'Kate & Leopold' (2001), 'The Omen' (2006)), Kitty Fane (Naomi Watts; '21 Grams' (2003), 'King Kong' (2005)) is left with no alternative but to sullenly follow her serious-minded microbiologist husband Walter (Edward Norton; '25th Hour' (2002), 'The Illusionist' (2006)) to a rustic secluded Chinese village that's been crippled by a spreading cholera epidemic, in director John Curran's ('Praise' (1998), 'We Don't Live Here Anymore' (2004)) thoroughly captivating Period adaptation of prolific novelist W. Somerset Maugham's (1874-1965) 1925 book, where Kitty's contact with disheveled neighbouring emissary Waddington (Toby Jones; 'Finding Neverland' (2004), 'Infamous' (2006)) and her interest in assisting at the local Mother Superior's (Diana Rigg; 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service' (1969), 'Parting Shots' (1999)) orphanage slowly inspires Kitty to mature and better understand her husband, while Walter begins to see his wife in a new light as he struggles to save lives under the skeptical watch of Colonel Yu (Anthony Wong Chau-Sang; 'Yeshou xingjing' (1998), 'The Medallion' (2003)).

Granted, the context of this hundred and twenty-five minute feature that's set in the mid-1920's really isn't particularly appealing - especially when the Fanes reach that death cursed village. It's quite grim, actually. The good news is that this version of Maugham's novel isn't so much a remake of the same named 1934 Greta Garbo (1905-1990) classic as it is a thoroughly captivating character study carefully re-imagined by Norton and Watts. They're simply phenomenal here, wonderfully breathing life into their roles while letting a paying audience see much of their confusion, disappointment and ultimate love story believably play out at a measured pace. Unsurprisingly, Norton is brilliant in his portrayal of Walter, effortlessly exposing every internalized emotion as though you could read his mind. I'm normally bored by Mime and the need for psychic pills during a screening, but watching Norton's every gesture and facial expression in this movie is like experiencing a slow motion interpretive dance where words are unnecessary. You know what he's thinking, just from his body language. Awesome. Watts gives an equally impressive performance as spoiled debutante Kitty, initially immersed in the cavalier naivete of English aristocracy until she slowly blossoms into a grounded woman of substance in front of you. Her metamorphosis is astonishing, as is how both Kitty and Walter come full circle to face each other to truly fall in love. Full marks definitely go to Curran and screenwriter Ron Nyswaner for nurturing such an exquisite film that's so strongly reliant on its cast of talent. Another extraordinary aspect of 'The Painted Veil' is the costuming, where it's clear that art director Peta Lawson was painstakingly relentless in getting every piece of wardrobe to look completely authentic. As for the scenery, well, it's jaw dropping. Everything about this effort is perfect.

It won't be everyone's cup of tea, because much of the plot unfolds in increasing subtleties, but 'The Painted Veil' is absolutely well worth checking out if you want to see enormously well crafted characters portrayed in a thoroughly enjoyable classic romance.

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Pan's Labyrinth
REVIEWED 01/07, © STEPHEN BOURNE
www.ofrb.gov.on.ca | www.rcq.gouv.qc.ca


REVIEW:

An ancient tale from the Underworld Kingdom seemed reawakened with precocious young Ofelia (Ivana Baquero; 'Romasanta' (2004), 'Fragiles' (2005)) finding an odd stone fragment - and piquing the interest of a rather strange insect - on the rough forest road in Northern Spain that had brought her and her pregnant mother to stay with Nationalist henchman Capitan Vidal (Sergi Lopez; 'Lisboa' (1999), 'Dirty Pretty Things' (2002)) during his brutal hunt for the last remaining resistance to General Francisco Franco's post-Civil War regime, in this freshly inspired and wonderfully captivating subtitled 2006 film from writer/director Guillermo del Toro ('Blade II' (2002), 'Hellboy' (2004)), where the rebellion exists much closer to that guarded rustic cottage than what housekeeper Mercedes (Maribel Verdi; 'Amantes' (1991), 'Y tu mama tambien' (2001)) will admit, while living under Vidal's increasingly cold and intimidating presence pushes Ofelia further into the fantasy realm of a silver tongued faun (Doug Jones; 'Mystery Men' (1999), 'Hellboy' (2004)) who promises her an immortal escape from harsh reality in return for obediently completing three magical tasks before the moon turns full in the chilled night sky.

Probably the best thing about this thoroughly intriguing hundred and twelve-minute picture is that it doesn't merely focus on submerging a paying audience into a fairy tale-like fantasy world from beginning to closing credits. It's definitely not a children's flick either. 'El Laberinto del Fauno' (its original title) is squarely grounded in the real world of post-war chaos and subterfuge that reportedly did follow the Spanish Civil War (1936-1939). There's an entirely realized story that exists for these characters, with Ofelia's escape into what could be her imagination unfolding simultaneously. When she places a mandrake root in a bowl of milk under her painfully ailing mother's bed at the helpful direction of the faun, only Ofelia can see and hear that plant squirm and gurgle like an infant. Yes, there are shades of literary classics such as Alice Through the Looking Glass, as well as moments that feel suspiciously inspired by the special effects wizardry of the Harry Potter films. In other scenes, a gifted tome called The Book of Crossroads of initially blank parchment magically fills its pages with medieval illustrations and calligraphy when asked questions, much like what has been seen elsewhere before. However, all of it works wonderfully within the context of what this scared little girl perceives when she can step back from the insecurity of her reality. That's the charm of this film. The creatures that Baquero's character meets are primarily horrific-looking monsters, and yet the human presence of her mother's new husband Capitan Vidal is strikingly more terrifying as he coldly metes out gruesome brutality upon anyone who disobeys or challenges his authority. Lopez gives an incredibly chilling, volatile performance here. The entire cast is great, effortlessly giving you reasons to care about what happens to each of them as their stories play out - particularly when it becomes clear that nobody's fate is safe from Vidal's psychotic cruelty. Special mention absolutely must go to costume designers Lala Huete and Roc’o Redondo, not only for their impressive work at bringing del Toro's fantastical beasts to life with such intricate attention to detail, but also for believably matching the fairly plain style and itchy-looking wardrobe of post-WWII Spain. You feel like you're watching a Period piece, that then momentarily slides sideways into another dimension that has its own history and sense of being. The set design throughout is awesome.

This one's sure to become a modern cult favourite. Unless you read spoilers before heading out to the movies, 'Pan's Labyrinth' won't deliver everything that the ads might lead you to expect, but it's definitely well worth checking out for its incredibly superior overlapping of two distinct genres captivatingly realized by this impressive cast of talent.

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Perfume
REVIEWED 01/07, © STEPHEN BOURNE
www.ofrb.gov.on.ca | www.rcq.gouv.qc.ca


REVIEW:

Born into the putrid stench and vile poverty of 18th century Paris, orphaned pariah and oversensitive nose Jean-Baptiste Grenouille's (Ben Whishaw; 'Layer Cake' (2004), 'Stoned' (2005)) haunted infatuation with the scent of the freckle shouldered and auburn-haired girl (Karoline Herfurth; 'Crazy' (2000), 'Girls on Top 2' (2004)) he unwittingly kills inspires him to learn how to scientifically preserve and mix virtually indistinguishable odors under the tutelage of local haute couture perfume maker Giuseppe Baldini (Dustin Hoffman; 'Lenny' (1974), 'Stranger Than Fiction' (2006)), in co-writer/director Tom Tykwer's ('Run, Lola, Run' (1998), 'Heaven' (2002)) visually stunning yet curiously cobbled 2006 Art house adaptation of German writer Patrick Suskind's 1985 novel Das Parfum, where Grenouille's eventual pilgrimage to Europe's fortified perfume mecca of Grasse to further his olfactory capturing knowledge at Madame Arnulfi's (Corinna Harfouch; 'Irren ist munnlich' (1996), 'Bibi Blocksberg' (2002)) perfume factory soon unleashes a spree of bizarre deaths amongst the city's young women that spurs aristocrat Antoine Richis (Alan Rickman; 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves' (1991), 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire' (2005)) to fear for his lovely and beloved redheaded daughter Laura (Rachel Hurd-Wood; 'Peter Pan' (2003), 'An American Haunting' (2005)).

It's tough at first to decide whether or not this weird, visually stylish hundred and forty-seven minute film is intended to be taken seriously or as a tritely macabre comedy. In either case, it fails miserably. Cinematographer Frank Griebe seems to take impish glee in relentlessly shoving massively saturated images of the most repulsive-looking slop onto the screen at every opportunity, as though trying to force the eyes of a paying audience to somehow smell each wretched moment like Grenouille does. It's morbidly funny, but the effect quickly becomes unnecessarily distracting from the actual story that awkwardly lurches along once Whishaw's role turns to murder. The weirdness factor of 'Perfume: The Story of a Murderer' (its complete title) is also somewhat affected by the fact that all of these Frenchmen speak in decidedly polished British accents. However, the predominantly notable aspect of this feature that manages to summarily sabotage your consistent enjoyment is Tykwer's and co-writers Andrew Birkin's and Bernd Eichinger's bizarrely indulgent screenplay. Sure, Hoffman and Rickman obviously bask in the luxurious freedom of their roles, serving up a few memorably delightful scenes as a result. "Drop by drop, I will trickle my disgust into your eyes like burning acid," gets my vote as one of the best movie lines heard in a while. Too bad that they and Hurd-Wood's breath taking beauty are the only memorable bright spots in an otherwise overwhelmingly disappointing mess. It's almost as though this entire picture is merely the result of Tykwer falling in love with the challenge of making what some have reportedly declared to be an un-make-able movie, without seeming to worry too much about ensuring that what's been made is truly worth the price of admission. There's definitely much in the actual plot that feels completely overlooked here, considering that the reason why each victim is abandoned with their shaved skulls bashed in is only an unimportant product of a much more intricate and potentially interesting procedure related to the alchemy of creating perfume. The story begs for more attention to such details, and yet almost entirely relies on partially used props and more of Griebe's intensely insane myopic lens to skim over the various processes involved. Grenouille slowly refines his collecting methods, but is aggravatingly depicted as being little more than an adult simpleton Oliver Twist for the most part. Being forced to repeatedly watch the scene where he hungrily smears his grubby hands over the nude corpse of his first kill isn't so much a reinforcement of Grenouille's singular obsession to memorize her scent as it is senseless soft porn. In fact, there's an orgy scene involving hundreds of writhing extras near the end that's so utterly contrived, you can't help but suspect that Tykwer must have run out of ideas and simply decided to turn this movie into a live action homage to the group nude photography of Spencer Tunick. It doesn't make any sense, and seems ridiculously childish without being humourous in the slightest. Perhaps it plays out better on the page, Seattle Grunge icons Nirvana were apparently inspired by Suskind's novel to write the song Scentless Apprentice that's found on their 1993 album In Utero.

The only inspiration this flick conjures up is a powerful will to wish for the sweet sweet release that comes with the eventual closing credits. I was initially annoyed that 'Perfume' didn't secure any distribution on this side of the Ottawa River, but I'd have to admit - after catching a screening in Québec - that if it's not playing locally, your favourite movie theatre owner deserves flowers for sparing you from wasting your time and money on this malodorous novelty.

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